


Losing Your Memory

by randomfandomimagine



Series: Imagines (Reader Insert) [42]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-13 09:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomfandomimagine/pseuds/randomfandomimagine
Summary: Requested by milleniumxhan (Tumblr):Could u do a bbc merlin x reader one shot fic thing where Morgana captures you and puts a spell on you and you loose your memory and then she sends you back to Camelot and Merlin finds you but u don’t remember him (you two were hella close) and it’s rlly angsty and he tries everything to get you back and eventually does with an antidote or smthg. Thanks!





	Losing Your Memory

When Merlin lovingly pecked her cheek, she felt herself blushing. He giggled because of the effect such a simple kiss had on her and they smiled softly at each other.

“Merlin!” Arthur complained, definitely having witnessed that innocent interaction.

“Sorry, sire” The young man replied, still lovingly watching her.

Merlin then jumped off his horse and offered his hand for her to help her do the same. Hand in hand, they stood close to one another as soon as she stepped on firm ground.

“Remind me once more why it was necessary for Y/N to come” The prince rested his hand on his sword as his eyes scoured the forest.

“Well, you sire are the brawn. Merlin is our mag-“ The aforementioned stared at her in shock, though she corrected herself in time. “Magnificent compass, and I am the brains!”

Merlin chuckled in relief, partly amused by her carefree attitude. Arthur glared at them, not amused by their corny attitude. Nonetheless, he tilted his head to the side in consideration.

“Three heads certainly think better than two” He sighed, already leading the way. “As do three pair of eyes see better”

“Precisely, my lord” Y/N replied with a smile, not letting go of her boyfriend’s hand as she followed after Arthur.

“Or perhaps I can’t stay away from her” Merlin grinned, making her giggle.

“Very well” Arthur briefly looked over his shoulder to them. “But do not kiss, I will charge you with treason”

His two friends laughed at his comment, still diligently navigating the forest in search for what they had come for.

“What are we doing here again, sire?”

“Investigating”

“See, Y/N, Arthur heard there were traces of magic in the castle close by”

“Oh, I see”

Exchanging a grave glance with Merlin, she thought back to him. To his secret, to the fact that he was accompanying Arthur to hunt the very thing Merlin himself was. But also about the source of that very magic in the castle. There was a slight possibility that it was druid in origin, but something told her that it was not the case. A nasty churning in her stomach told her that it was Morgana.

“Y/N?” Merlin called her, noticing she had stopped walking.

The young woman felt something strange, something she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Seeing the confusion and worry in his blue eyes, she realized his magic wasn’t grasping it.

She opened her mouth to speak, though a noise that only she seemed to hear caught her attention. Looking ahead, Y/N realized Arthur had stopped too.

“Is something the matter?” The prince asked her, intently peering at her.

“I… Go on without me” She reluctantly let go of Merlin’s hand. “I want to check something”

“What is it?” Merlin insisted, frowning at her.

“It is not important” Y/N dedicated him an eloquent look, hoping he understood it was magic related. “I wouldn’t want to slow you down”

“I don’t think it wise to split up” Arthur shook his head, yet his eyes remained attentive as they darted around the forest.

“Arthur is right, Y/N” Despite seeming to understand her motives, Merlin did not give up.

“It will be just one moment, I will be alright” She smiled at them. “Trust me”

The prince gave a resigned sigh, waiting for his servant to speak up.

“Don’t take too long” The latter told her, earning a head nod from her.

While Merlin and Arthur carried on with their path, Y/N walked the opposite way to investigate that strange magic that seemed to lure her and her alone.

There was an unusual silence in the forest, broken only by the distant sound of the two men’s voices. Y/N’s boots were loud against the dry leaves that covered the earthy floor. As her friends walked away, she could only hear her own breathing now. There was no wind, no birds, no nothing.

That harrowing feeling took over Y/N again as another sound came not too far away from her. She turned around to where it originated from and yelped at the unexpected sight.

However, any sounds got stuck in her throat as a figure held a hand up to silence her, her green eyes shining with a magical golden grow. Morgana smirked at Y/N.

“That was easier than I thought” Still not breaking the spell, she took ahold of her prey’s arm. “Perhaps you can help me, Y/N”

“M-Merlin…” She tried to call him out, although it came lower than a whisper.

“Yes, Merlin” There was an eerie hint to Morgana’s grin. “You will help me make him suffer”

*

Merlin kept nibbling at his fingernails, pacing up and down the chamber as two pair of eyes idly followed all his movements.

“Relax, Merlin” Arthur told him, leaning on a table filled with books. “I am sure Y/N is alright, my knights will find her”

“No” The other replied, not even looking at the prince. “It’s been too long, I knew we shouldn’t have let her go on her own”

Gaius sighed, knowing him to feel guilty. Knowing that the very reason he did was because she was protecting someone innocent that might have suffered Arthur’s punishment for possessing magic. Someone that very well could have been Merlin under other circumstances.

“It is not your fault, Merlin” Gaius felt the need to say, although it was not the first time he uttered those words to him that afternoon.

“It  _is_ my fault” The boy stopped walking, watching the physician with teary eyes. “Now she’s lost and alone in that forest, and if something happens to her…”

“Nothing will happen to her” Arthur seemed confident in his belief. “Y/N is smart and brave, I know she will be alright”

Merlin watched his friend, truly hoping he was right, but he had a very bad feeling. The dreadful silence that established in the room only worsened his anxiety.

“What if she’s not?” He spoke up, needing to voice his unease. “What if she doesn’t come back? I couldn’t stand it if she…”

“They will find her” Arthur repeated, needing to interrupt Merlin’s dark thoughts. “And if they don’t, I personally will go look for her and bring her back”

Merlin nodded, grateful for his concern. He knew Arthur cared about Y/N too, but not nearly as much as Merlin did. For him, Y/N wasn’t only his girlfriend. She was a friend, she was a kind soul, she was his beacon, his anchor, his everything.

The room was filled with a heavy silence once more. The three men were too busy lost in their own heads to say anything further. There wasn’t much left to say other than small lies to keep each other hopeful.

A knock suddenly came to the door, causing the three of them to look up to each other and then to the closed door. Arthur lifted one finger, heading for the door.

He swung it open, feeling Gaius and Merlin looking over his shoulders, to reveal a figure standing there. When the person wobbled, the prince was quick to hold her up.

“Y/N!” He exclaimed, wrapping an arm around her to keep her upright. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yes” She replied breathlessly. “But I’m… exhausted…”

“Y/N” Merlin ran to her side, aiding Arthur in bringing her inside. “What happened?!”

He frantically looked her up and down, searching for any signs of injury. Luckily, he found none. Yet that didn’t completely ease his worry.

“I-I don’t know, I…” Y/N shut her eyes tight, seemingly dazed and confused. “I… Was alone in a forest so I… Tried to find my way back”

Between Arthur and Merlin, holding one of her arms each, they helped her sit down on a stool. She heaved a sigh, blinking repeatedly as she rummaged through her memories trying to make sense out of it all.

“I’m glad you’re back in one piece, Y/N” Arthur rested a hand on her shoulder, causing her to look up at him. “I will tell the knights”

“Thank you” Merlin told his friend as he left their chambers.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” Gaius asked her, concerned about her state.

“I… Don’t know…” Y/N drove a hand to her head as it boiled with thoughts and gave her a migraine.

“Did you hit your head?” Merlin rested a hand there too, gingerly palpating and looking for any visible bumps.

“Perhaps?” Tiredly, she leaned her head against Merlin’s stomach.

“It would explain the disorientation” The old man held one finger up. “I will take a look at you”

“Do you remember anything at all?” Merlin inquired, holding her hand while Gaius gathered a few items he needed.

“No, I… We were leaving Camelot for the forest” She looked up into his worried blue eyes. “Arthur, you and I”

“Nothing after that?”

“Not really…”

“What happened before you parted ways, Merlin?”

“She insisted on checking something, we never knew what”

“Something to have to do with magic, perhaps?”

“Magic…” She repeated, confused by their conversation. “Yes…”

“Did you remember something?” Merlin asked, absently watching Gaius get closer once more. “About magic?”

“No, I…” She paused for a moment as the physician took her chin and lifted it up to take a good look at her. “Just a feeling… Dark magic?”

Gaius stopped, exchanging a preoccupied glance with the boy. Morgana.

“Don’t worry, Y/N” Merlin picked a leaf out of her hair, which must have tangled there during her forest wandering. “We will look after you”

*

Now that Y/N wasn’t there to witness it, Merlin felt the need to properly vent his anxiety. He paced up and down the chambers, until Gaius exited the room and approached him.

“Is she alright?” The young man asked him. “Can I stay with her?”

“I would say she is in shock still” The older man replied. “She needs to rest, but I do think you should stay with her”

“What do you mean, is something wrong with her?”

“Y/N seems… disoriented still, even though there are no signs of head trauma”

“That is to be expected… Isn’t it, Gaius?”

“Yes, but, Merlin” The physician paused. “She couldn’t remember my name”

Merlin gulped, having a very nasty feeling. If Morgana was indeed behind all that, she probably did something to Y/N. And it couldn’t be good at all.

As that bad feeling spread within him, Merlin hurried to visit her in the room. He stopped at the threshold, merely observing her and searching for any worrisome signs. She took a few seconds, but smiled at him.

“Hey” He sighed in relief, seeing as her hazy memory seemed in order so far. “How are you feeling?”

“Still a bit tired, I suppose” Y/N shrugged, although that carefree gesture didn’t ease his unease in the slightest.

“Can I do something to help?” He said, sitting at the edge of the bed she was lying in. “A bit of magic, perhaps?”

Y/N laughed, taking his hand and squeezing it fondly.

“I know you’re worried, Merlin, but you don’t have to treat me like a child”

“Like a child? I don’t understand” He frowned, noticing a distant hint in her otherwise kind and warm eyes.

“Magic?” She repeated, tilting her head to the side. “Truly, there is no need for such childish horseplay”

Merlin took several seconds to reply, completely astonished as he was. His lips moved yet didn’t utter any sounds. He tried again, watching her closely in the hopes that she was perhaps joking. She didn’t seem to be.

“You know what I meant” He urgently placed his free hand atop hers. “My magic…”

Y/N frowned, noticing the serious hint to his expression. A dreadful silence established in the room, internally filled with Merlin’s heart pounding in his chest.

“What are you talking about, Merlin?”

“You don’t remember my…” He couldn’t quite finish the sentence, heartbroken as he was. “Gaius!!”

The elder man quickly made his way into the room, alarmed by Merlin’s urgent call. The two men exchanged a glance, and Merlin quickly stood to his feet.

“She… She can’t remember I have magic, she wouldn’t just forget” He explained in a rush, wildly gesticulating as his thoughts raced.

“It must be Morgana’s doing” Gaius pensively said. “It only makes sense, after Y/N separated from you and felt dark magic in the air”

Barely understanding the conversation that developed in front of her, Y/N lied down on her side and closed her eyes in an attempt to get some deserved rest to also calm her headache.

“You don’t understand, Gaius” When the aforementioned peered at his protégé, he noticed his blue eyes had turned watery. “She was the only person other than you to know I have magic, I can’t lose that”

“Merlin…”

“And… Why would Morgana do such a thing to her?! Y/N is far too kind to ever wrong anybody!”

“Merlin, don’t you see?” Gaius interrupted him, putting a stop to his friend’s panic. “She didn’t do that only to her, but to you too”

The young warlock frowned, although the realization of what those words meant hit him quite quickly. Of course it wasn’t about hurting Y/N, it was about hurting him. As per usual, Morgana used innocent people to punish him and Arthur.

“What will happen to her now, Gaius?” He asked him, desperate to fix it.

“I can’t quite tell” The elder man sighed tiredly. “For all I know, she could lose her memory completely!”

Merlin felt weak just with imagining a world where Y/N wouldn’t remember him. Where he couldn’t spend every second of his life with her, be close to her. It was painful enough that she didn’t remember his magic, that greatly heavy secret that he kept not only from Arthur, but from many other people he cared about.

The fact that Y/N used to know his secret was incredibly liberating. It made him feel normal because he earned her love despite the entire world, including the prince he admired so much, telling him that there was something wrong with him. In spite of it all, Y/N deeply loved him and accepted him. She accepted not only the simple servant everyone saw in him, but also the powerful wizard he truly was. She accepted him exactly like she was, because she loved him. And now Merlin was going to lose all of that, and he couldn’t stand it.

“She won’t remember…” He meant to continue talking, but his voice broke.

“I-I wish I could help, Merlin, certainly” Gaius frowned, desolated. “Though I had never seen such magic before, I don’t know how to cure her”

Merlin bit on his bottom lip, fighting the sobs that threatened to make home in his throat. He shook his head and ran outside of the room, even if his legs felt shaky and unstable.

Gaius followed him, watching how he desperately went through the many books in their chambers in search for a solution.

“I will not let her forget” Merlin was saying as he urgently placed a book on the table and ugently flipped through its pages. “I will fix this, whatever it takes”

*

Hours passed, though nothing had changed.

Arthur paid them a visit, concerned at the sight of a frantic Merlin and a resigned Gaius. The elder man told to him about Morgana’s involvement, explaining that he had no knowledge of any medicine that could restore Y/N’s memory, or stop the dark magic spreading through her.

Merlin didn’t pay any attention to the prince, as he was too busy reading still. The medicine books seemed of no use, and so he turned to the magic books instead. It only made sense, to fight magic with magic.

The silent felt deadly loud as only the sound of paper rustling filled the room. After several more minutes, long after Arthur was gone, Merlin heaved a big sigh and looked up from the pages.

“I think I’ve got it” He smiled for the first time in hours.

Rushing back to reunite with Y/N, Merlin handed Gaius the book. The physician eyed it, searching for the page the young man had been reading. When he found it, he vehemently shook his head and dropped the book.

“Merlin!” He gravely called. “You can’t do that, it would-“

“Gaius” Merlin gasped, standing over Y/N’s bed. “Was she so pale before?”

“I’m afraid not” He positioned himself next to the young man. “But Merlin, you can’t use that spell, it is too powerful! It may kill you”

Completely ignoring his words, Merlin leaned closer to Y/N and lovingly caressed her hair. Such contact awoke her, and her eyes met with his as soon as she opened them.

Y/N gasped, inching away from his touch. This gesture worried the two men, as they quickly locked eyes and eloquently frowned.

“Where am I?” She demanded to know. “What happened?”

“Y/N…” Merlin began, but she shook her head at him.

“How do you know my name?!” She quickly sat up, ready to run away.

Both Merlin and Gaius stopped her, taking ahold of her arms even as she wiggled in their grasp.

“What is happening?” The young woman struggled against them.

“I must do it, Gaius!” Merlin sobbed, holding a hand up. “I need to”

“Merlin, don’t” The physician practically begged. “It will kill you”

“Who are you?!” Y/N continued, now screaming. “Let me go!! Help!!”

“I can’t lose her” Tears were streaming down Merlin’s cheeks as he put his hand against her forehead. “I just can’t”

“No!” Gaius wanted to do something to stop him, but knew he couldn’t. He also needed to hold on to Y/N in fear that she might hurt them or herself.

Merlin closed his eyes in concentration as more tears filled his eyes, and murmured the spell under his breath. He never stopped crying, Y/N’s calls for help only fueling his weeping further, even as the magic slowly drained him from his energy.

The spell slowly became louder in Merlin’s mouth. Sweat filled his face as he strained, closing his eyes tighter. He stopped being able to also restrain Y/N from her thrashing, and so Gaius needed to hold her with both hands.

As Merlin finished the spell, exclaiming the last few words, the chaos immediately died down. Gaius gasped in apprehension.

Y/N fell limply against the mattress, once again lying down. As did Merlin, who fell onto the ground with a thud when all his strength left him completely.

“Merlin!” Gaius let go of her and immediately went to his aid. “Merlin, you reckless fool!”

The young man lied on the floor, rendered immobile and with his eyes closed. The only telltale that he was holding on to life was the barely noticeable rise and fall of his chest.

“Are you alright?! Merlin!!” Gaius shook his shoulder. “Answer me, boy!”

Exhausted, the young man managed to open his eyes ever so slightly. He began breathing heavily, but had no energy to even sit up. He peered at Gaius, barely able to stay conscious.

“I’m alright…” He whispered, having a difficulty with keeping his eyes open. “Y/N…”

“You’re shaking” Gaius pointed out, pushing him into a sitting position.

The elder man briefly left to gather a blanket, while Merlin shifted on his knees to approach Y/N. He lingered there, kneeling by her bed as he watched her in anguish. He barely noticed Gaius when he put the blanket over his shoulder.

“Gaius, please…” Merlin sobbed, even as his head tiredly leant on the bed. “Is she alright?”

Thousands of thoughts passed through his head, all bad. Did his magic work? Had it improved her state? Could she remember now? Or on the other hand… had he made everything worse? Was she healthy after his healing? Did it hurt her somehow? Could her fragile body endure such powerful magic?

Merlin felt weak and helpless as he anxiously observed Gaius. The physician attentively watched her, checking her vitals and attempting to wake her.

When her eyes slowly fluttered, so did Merlin’s heart. She parted her eyelids, moving to look at Gaius towering over her.

“What…?” She uttered in confusion, grimacing slightly at the sudden feeling of weakness and unwell. “Ga…Gaius?”

The man smiled slightly, cautious about the resolution. Y/N then shifted to the other presence in the room, as her head leaned to the other side to Merlin.

His face, covered in tears, earned a frown from her. He, on the meantime, waited in despair, attentive of her following words.

“Merlin!” She uttered, feebly lifting a hand to his cheek. “Why are you crying?”

Although a few more tears cascaded down his face, he breathed out and smiled bigger than he had in a while. He was still shaking from head to toe, but his heart slowed down at last.

“You remember me” He whispered, not wanting to build his hopes up. “And my magic?”

“Of course! And your magic as well, certainly” Y/N stuttered, taken aback by such strange event. “It is one of the many things that make you so special!”

Merlin continued crying, now of happiness, as his trembling hands held hers. His shoulders convulsed with silent sobs as he pressingly kissed her knuckles.

“Are you feeling alright, Y/N?” Gaius wanted to make sure.

“I… I suppose, although it feels like I haven’t slept in weeks” She breathed out, needing to catch her breath before she continued speaking. “What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter” Merlin wobbled as he stood to his feet, having Gaius to rush by his side to support him. “You’re alright now, that’s what’s important”

“You need to rest” Gaius almost scolded him. “That was a reckless effort”

“But it worked” He weakly smiled, only standing thanks to his friend’s support.

“Dear lord, Merlin” Y/N scooted to make room for him on the bed. “Lie down, you look like you’re about to faint!”

The aforesaid nodded, allowing Gaius to help him lie down by her side. As soon as he did, Merlin wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against him.

“I will leave you two to rest now” Gaius smiled, endeared by the sight, and certainly happy that it all ended well. “It seems as though you need it”

“Thank you, Gaius” Y/N replied, her voice kind as usual even if clearly exhausted.

As soon as he left, closing the door behind him, Merlin shoved his face on her hair. He lingered there for several seconds while he calmed down.

“Merlin, dear” She called him, tugging at his hand in a silent inquire for him to look at her. “Did you save my life? It feels like you saved me”

Through half-lidded eyes, he nodded at her. That weak smile never left his lips.

“I did, I had to” He exhaled, closing his eyes to rest them. “I used my magic”

“Good lord” Gingerly, she caressed his hair to comfort him as he was clearly still mildly distraught. “You shouldn’t have! Gaius was right, it was reckless and you could have died”

“It was worth it” He said, smiling wider when Y/N rested her head on his chest. “It was worth it for you, Y/N”

She nuzzled his neck, feeling grateful to have him in her life. Then, she held his hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.

That way, the both of them quickly fell asleep. It had been truly frightening, but Merlin and Y/N had a happy ending.


End file.
